and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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