jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
