Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
