we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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