so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
