I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
