Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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