you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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