Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
