How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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