it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
