I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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