how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
