My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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