she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
