in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
