I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
