He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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