I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
