We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
