hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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