He passed out mid-signature
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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