we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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