I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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