I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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