Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
