Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
