I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
