I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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