If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was born a porn star she said
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My life is pants optional.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
