Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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