I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
