I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
