i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
