if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
