i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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