chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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