the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
