How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
