...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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