So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
