I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
