I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
