I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
