You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
