Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
