I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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