i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
