can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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