she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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