After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
