dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
