"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
