he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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