I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is wine microwaveable?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
