Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
false alarm. still invincible.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
