and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
