what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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