Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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