i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The Olympian is in my bed
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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