your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
