you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I checked into jail on foursquare
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
