'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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