I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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